death and life, maybe in that order

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It's been hard for me, the past several weeks, to come up with much happy, frivolous things to post about.

My next door neighbor appears to be dying. He's been a great friend to us, and like a grandfather to our children. I've been thinking a lot about him, his wife, and their children/grandchildren. I haven't seen him in almost a month, and the reports I've been getting suggest a general declining trend, even if some days are better than others. Many have been praying for a full recovery and return to health. I want to be able to pray for that, but to be honest, I'm praying for whatever healing the Lord has to offer, for comfort for him and his family, and that the Lord's will be done. It's not necessarily a very hopeful kind of praying.

Every time I get up at night, I go by windows that look over their house. I think about them. Every time during the day that I look out any windows that face their house, I think of them. When I cook meals, when I go outside, when I hang my laundry, when I get in the car and go somewhere... It's pretty constant.

I worry, but about nothing in particular, I guess. The unknown, perhaps. How long will this go on? What will happen? I have been recently half-expecting a call any day saying that something significant has changed, and not for the better. I think about how I will explain to our children why they can't see their neighbor-grandpa anymore. It's hard enough now, but easy to say that he's sick, and that usually ends requests to go visiting next door.

Lots of dwelling on that situation, even in the midst of a life growing inside me. It seems like there should be some kind of spiritual "circle of life" thing being revealed. Maybe some kind of connections made about the interrelatedness of all life, and the eternal plain we all intersect. Something.

But no. I think about all the changes that will be happening over the next several months, all in little snap shots, compartmentalized.

I can't even think of a good way to end this post. There isn't a conclusion to be made, I suppose. Just thinking, worrying and praying.